I think I have figured out part of the reason why I have felt so down here recently.
Today was the Farewell Ceremony for my son's National Guard unit that is preparing to go overseas in a few month's. When he told me about it a little over a week ago, I couldn't make the arrangements with work to be able to be there for it.
I know I will have opportunities to see him before he finally ships out, but not being there is something that has been gnawing at me here.
Although I know he is a man now, I still have this urge to protect him from harm. I've been overseas and have an idea what he will be facing and honestly don't like it. But he made the choice to go over. I am very proud of him, and back him 100% in his choice, but that doesn't mean I don't get to worry inside.
This is something I do have to get ready for, because my stepson, (3rd ex's son) will be going over this summer. So I will have 2 of them in theater over there at the same time.
It's not going to be an easy 18 months or so I can tell that right now.