Monday, October 22, 2012

Evaluation time.....

Well, its time for me to evaluate where I'm at and where I need to go, and figure out a general direction on how to get there. Right now I can say I am rock bottom emotionally.

 I haven't ever felt this drained, or numb....ever. The first thing is to figure out how to start picking myself back up slowly but surely. I do know all of the 'alone time' I have in this truck doesn't help but I think I am getting a grip on those damn pesky voices that like to question everything. A few of the other voices got tired of them and they are currently tied, gagged, and thrown in the closet. Hopefully they don't get out for a while. lol

 Driving a truck really leaves me with zero time it seems to spend with anyone. I have been searching but I've yet to find anyone willing to take someone who is gone weeks at a time. I have a feeling that search isn't going to get any easier.

 I know I need to be happy, but what is happiness? I thought I knew but it looks like I didn't have the whole thing down. Some people say you have to be happy with yourself. Easier said than done. One of my problems is that I always have sacrificed my happiness so that others could be happy. In thinking that seeing others happy made me happy. Its just how I'm wired, and I don't know how to rewire myself.

 I guess I just feel if I do things to just make myself happy, I'm being conceited, etc concentrating on myself instead of others.

 Right now as you can see, I'm struggling hard on the 'make me happy' part, so does anyone have any suggestions or sage advice?

1 comment:

  1. I preach to find happiness inside. There is no one way to reach inner happiness. Or not one way that I know works for everybody.

    For me, I find happiness in small things. I find happiness in green trees, cool breezes, rain, the wagging tails of my dogs, the cat rubbing against me, horses neighing, the rush of the river. I find the most joy from Gods creations - animals and nature. These things give me a quiet peace inside.

    People, for me, are often untrustworthy. I cannot depend on them for happiness. I got this mindset from a chaotic childhood of not feeling wanted or loved. I can love people but there is a wall to protect me.

    Sorry, I'm not making much sense ... For me, I get happiness inside from Gods creations. I'm not a regular churchgoer but I do have a very strong faith. Good luck on your journey :)