Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Decisions of the heart
I'm sure everyone has the idea in one way shape or form that this would be an easy idea to follow. I mean heck, its a pretty simple decision isn't it? Well I have found out there are just a few pitfalls to this kind of a decision.
I guess part of the 'test' of this kind of saying is the thoughts and feelings you go through while that person that you have fallen in love with is away. I mean there is really no communication with them at this point to let them know the depths of how you feel since setting them free means not communicating the depths of your soul to them. You have to operate off of 'faith' that things will work out in the end.
Faith. That is probably the hardest thing for a person to have it seems. It hinges on believing in the unknown, the unseen, that things will be as how they should be with no influence from your part. Faith is probably the ultimate, highest aspect of trust. Without one, you can't have the other. I honestly think having faith in religion is a lot easier than having faith and trust in a person. As far as I'm concerned this is the ultimate test of a relationship, if it can make it through this then it can make it through anything.
One of the other pitfalls, at least for me, is quieting your mind and just let things flow to the conclusion that will happen. Not the conclusion you want or desire, but the one that should naturally happen. You see, I am a thinker, I always have been. It was something that I refined when I was growing up on the farm. All of those endless hours spent out in the field on the tractor gave you 'plenty' of time to think through different ideas and problems. I would look at things from every conceivable angle I could to determine the best course of action. The sad thing though is that with all of that time, over 30 years basically, I have recently found one angle I can't figure out or even remotely consider, 'Free Will'.
Free Will. That is the one thing I can't account for, the one thing I can't change. Everyone has it. Everyone one uses it. Even if that person has allowed someone else to make their decisions for them, their first decision of free will, was to allow another person to take it, so they had it up to that point. I'll admit, free will scares the crap out of me because its the ultimate 'ace card'. I have no idea what it is going to do.
So that is where we come back to Faith. A person has to have faith, they have to be open to change, whatever it may be and let it and free will take its course. It's the scariest thing I have ever encountered in my life. I would almost rather be back in the middle east being shot at or blown up, or back on the beat putting my life on the line every day. It scares me that much, but I know I have to let go, let things run their course, and have Faith that it will turn out however it is suppose to be. No matter how it turns out, I know I will be stronger for it.