Thursday, September 13, 2012

Worn down

Have you ever reached that point where you are just completely worn down? I'm talking mentally and physically?

I know on the physical side I have definitely reached that point.  I usually try to take a '34hr reset' once a week while I'm out on the road.  It does two things.  One it resets my logbook which can usually use it.  The other thing it does is let me relax a little and recharge.

Well,  I have been going for the last 10 days straight, and I can tell.  I feel myself slowly grinding down and I know here soon I need to take a break.  The problem is doing it at the right time in a decent place.  There is nothing worse than shutting down for 34 hours out in the middle of nowhere.

Mentally, is a variety of issues.  Part of it is the running I have been doing, and dealing with some of the BS that corporate has thrown in our way.  Another, is the changing seasons.  The season change might not sound like much, but for a person that has suffered from PTSD and depression, it can hit you hard.  Then there is the other part which is much more personal, that I won't go into at this time.

Both of these combined have worn me down to the bone.  I know I could use some extended time off, meaning more than a day or two.  The problem with that is that my financial obligations 'seem' to keep me from doing that.  Notice I said seem.  It's all a matter of perspective.

I do know one other thing.  I'm tired of being ALONE.  I can safely say this single crap is for the birds.  I would love to share my life with someone, but trying to find someone that understands how my life is seems to be the challenge. 

At times, I feel like throwing in the towel, say screw the world, quit everything I am doing, and do nothing.  Become a 'moocher'.  Do you know what though?  It's not in me.  There is NO way I can ever take myself down to that level.  Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl.  How others do it I can't figure out.

So since I can't bring myself to become a moocher, or go into the entitlement class, I'll continue to plug along as I have been, and see if I can improve my situation.  There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel.

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